I was saved when I was a little girl of seven years old at a Billy Graham Crusade. Later, in my teenage years, I sought satisfaction and happiness in athletics, relationships, and the physical pleasures of life. Still dissatisfied, I wondered if there was anything that could meet the deep longing and need in my being. At times I thought surely I must be the only one on earth that had this problem. Before I turned 20, circumstances brought me to my knees and I cried out to the Lord. I told Him I didn’t want to try to fill this void with the things I was doing anymore—that I just wanted Him. At this point the hunger and thirst in my being grew and I began to seek fellowship with other believers. The word of God became real to me and I would read it whenever I had the chance. Many times I would be at Christian functions seeking fellowship with someone who desired to talk about the Lord and read some verses together, but to my great disappointment I rarely found such a one. I did not know then why I still was not fully satisfied and the longing for reality still was so strong deep within.
I was married at 24, had my first child at 26 and went to a Bible college that year. I thought the mission field or some Christian work would meet my deep need. I enjoyed the required Bible time, but fellowship with others was so doctrinal and dry. My personal situation had also become very difficult and I felt I had no one to turn to. One long desperate night I was on my knees again crying out to the Lord. I told the Lord I knew in Ephesians the apostle Paul talked about the Body of Christ being His fullness and that all the members were being built together, but where was this happening (1:23; 4:16)? I cried, “Lord, is there any believer that wants this? Where are your people, Lord? You have to show me!” I was comforted by the Lord to release the heaviness.
That summer through some detailed, sovereign circumstances we met some believers who loved the Lord, and whose fellowship watered and fed my famished being. I could not explain it but I felt like I was at home. At last my longing was satisfied. This was the reality of the church! It was Christ in all the believers. I learned how calling on the name of the Lord taps into a fountain deep in my being that gushes up into eternal life. I learned that this was my human spirit according to John 4:24, Philippians 4:23, Galatians 6:18 and many more verses. I also found that a practice called pray-reading the Bible (reading the Bible prayerfully (Ephesians 6:17-18)) filled my hunger and thirst. What a revelation! Why did I not know about this before now? I learned also that this was all revealed in the ministry of Watchman Nee and his co-worker Witness Lee. I was so grateful to the Lord for all their speaking. Every time Witness Lee spoke or I read something by Watchman Nee, it met my need and caused me to love and appreciate the Lord more and always gave me a supply of life.
I am now 42 and have come through many dealings and trails, but I am still receiving revelation from the Lord in this ministry according to the Word and will pursue and love the Lord until He returns for His Bride, the overcomers in this age (Revelation 21:2,9-10,7). Hallelujah!
J. M.